Sometimes I wonder about sharing and talking out loud.
Because the thing that happens is people processing through projection.
We listen, we filter through ‘how would I feel about that’ and then we respond through that filter.
People usually share just to offload.
It is rare we really want advice, thoughts, empathy, sympathy.
I certainly don’t want any of that. In fact it’s one reason why I’ve had to work on being vulnerable. I hate people’s sympathy. Because I feel misunderstood.
I had a friend I used to meet up with after work (in those days a long time a go). I used share when I’d had a bad day. And she would respond with ‘bless you’. And then give me the gift of many cliches and ‘my friend is going through the same’ chat.
I hated that response. I didn’t need her sympathy and definitely not the stories about her other friends. I was just sharing.
The thought that she might think that I needed help used to bring me out in sweats. I remember thinking be more careful in what you share.
So why did I share? What did I want?
Do you ever catch yourself doing this?
You share. Someone responses and you feel worse after their response. But did you know what response you really wanted, why you were sharing?
Be more vulnerable they say.
But its not an easy thing to do.
Because you can share easily, but you cant control how other people respond. It’s not the thing you are sharing that is making you be vulnerable, it’s the fact you have no idea how people will respond.
And we are usually in a curated World of being more aware of what we are saying, what we expect, how we are controlling. So not knowing makes us uncomfortable.
So what if we just let go.
And does it matter if people are left thinking you are a complete wreck. Is that only their problem?
I’m not sure.
Sharing is encouraged.
But knowing how to handle incoming response might need more work.
eleanor
Perfecting the art of listening without commenting/responding/reciprocating springs to mind. I know that is from the receiver's perspective but if we can all hone how we are in that role then others will hopefully feel they can offload without judgement....