Paranoid
Thinking and feeling like you are being threatened in some way, even if there is no evidence that you are
Someone posted that they hate that style of writing when people break up sentences and paragraphs and too much space.
Ouch, it hurt. It’s how I write.
And I love it.
I love the freedom, the creativity. When I write it feel like I create as I go. Complete flow. For me it’s my art. Playing with words, formations, structure. Maybe even a rebellion against the Rules.
For 23 years I have written corporate communications. Structured, careful writing where every word is securitised and edited, and tweaked. By lots of people. Taking weeks to get signed off. And then it is released and then dismissed with hours. Move on. Next. That’s corporate life.
So to get out there and write with freedom, with no rules, with no editors, is a relief. Even joy.
And then someone doesn’t like it.
And you feel a bit embarrassed.
And a bit paranoid. Of the judgement. That they think you are stupid.
And you think perhaps you are doing something wrong. So maybe should stop.
But then you think. What the F. Really? I’m going to stop doing something because someone doesn’t like it. That’s madness.
I know my writing isn’t for everyone. I know I’m not for everyone. None of us are. And yet when we get one scratch of indication that we might not be pleasing everyone our Pleaser Alerts starts ringing.
Our Response gang gets activated and starts chattering in our heads. ‘Told you not to do it. Everyone thinks you are an idiot. People are laughing.’ Like when you were at school and liked to play the keyboards but couldn’t.
I spent a few days a bit paranoid about doing my notes, my posts, even the articles I write. But my joy doing them is greater than my shame of not following the rules.
My current mentor, James Victore always yells at us about ‘Not every piece of art in the MOMA is loved’. In fact far from it. And yet still celebrated.
So onwards it is.
We can all get paranoid about things, especially when they are pointed out to us. Feedback, comments, or just things we happen upon on scrolling the good old internet.
Feeling threatened (if only that your joy might not be a good a thing) only can thrive with evidence. It’s more than likely you are just making it up.
eleanor
(However a note: there is a serious gaslighting aspect, bullying aspect, when someone is trying to control. If you feel paranoid it’s good to talk it through. This is not dismissing the serious side of how people manipulate and control others by making them feel they are doing something wrong).
Much easier to read a piece if it is broken up with space. Continuous prose is hard to read. Keep it up.