“We are in the habit of imagining our lives to be linear, a long march from birth to death in which we mass our powers, only to surrender them again, all the while slowly losing our youthful beauty. This is a brutal untruth. Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.”
― Katherine May, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times
When we are rethinking it’s tempting to think there is just one answer and all we have to do is find it. We wait for that moment. The moment it all becomes clear what we need to next.
My personal experience is not of that moment (but hey, why not hold a space for it!). Rather it is a meander of trying things, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, sometimes compromising, sometimes being clear on boundaries.
I stopped searching for what I wanted to do and focused more on how I wanted to be. How I wanted to be every day, wherever that day meandered.
It was a huge relief to not need to Do stuff all the time. And for the stuff to accumulate and grow all the time. But instead focus on how I showed up, how I wanted to Be, how I didn’t want to be.
When I started my business (es) I thought it was just a case of each step it would grow, be built on, get bigger, get better, get more. But the last 5 years have certainly been a meander. Some moments of brilliance, some moments of despair, and most moments in-between.
So now knowing that life meanders, now means when leaves fall it’s easier to experience, and now knowing that as they fall they are creating space for new leaves to grow.
eleanor
What does Meandering mean for you?
I think I’ve used it as an excuse not to change things - ‘I can’t see round this curve and there’s bound to be another so the safest thing to do is nothing.’
The phrase ‘how do I want to be’ is very challenging to me. Much easier to think about the ‘what’ (although, more truthfully, I avoid thinking about that, too). Time for some new thinking …