Have you even tried?
Maybe the most frightening question you will ask yourself if you are a trier.
Maybe the most frightening question you will ask yourself if you are a trier.
Have you even tried?
We were sitting in a coffee shop (are they called coffee shops these days?), in the cafe, store, Costa, chatting about life, work and other animals. I shared that I was feeling disappointed. That was how it was feeling.
I was disappointed that business wasn’t booming, that my book hadn’t sold as many copies as I’d hoped. That I hadn’t got a second book deal. That the two were obviously linked. Who wants a failed author? I shared that I felt disillusioned as I hadn’t managed to grow my social media profile.And that’s the important success factor these days, right? I’d watched others soar, their influence soar, their commercial halo soar. And all I felt was the cool breeze of their shadow.
My friend took a sip of the too hot (burnt milk) cappuccino. They bit their lip as the milk scalded them for having the audacity to think it was ‘drink ready’. They placed the cup back on the saucer, sloshing coffee over the side. It gave them enough time, milli-seconds, to gather their thoughts, rearrange them, disregard maybe the harsh comments, edit in some empathy, dial up some encouragement. They looked up and said, ‘yes, but did you really try?’. It was delivered with kindness, as all advice shared on a worn out Costa Coffee tan leather sofa should be. But it was received as a punch, a kind punch, but still a punch.
I carefully placed my ridiculously tall (why do they use such an impractical item of crockery?) glass of Latte back on it’s saucer which it wasn’t really designed for but they felt it had to have a saucer - it doesn’t, just for the record, in my opinion. The glass wobbled, I adjusted it to fit the saucer knocking the long teaspoon off the edge and onto the table, it bounced spraying latte foam surprisingly far for a small item of cutlery. Enough time for me to edit my very defensive first thought of ‘WHAT, of course I TRIED, how dare you, how rude, the very thought I hadn’t tried.’
My actual response being ‘good challenge, did I even try?’. Well the truth was I guess I did my best with where I was at, in that very moment in time. Did I ruthlessly go out and sell my arse off to every HRD and CEO in the country, did I go live on Instagram everyday sharing another tip, doing pointy dance things, tagging in testimonies, quotes, reader reviews - er well no, I did not.
But, did I give it the best shot I could at that moment in time? Yes.
Sometimes we do give something everything we’ve got, but it won’t be good enough.
When my book came out we were still in the midst of Lockdown vibes. It had been going for months now. This thing that people felt was just a temporary few days,turned few weeks now was looking like months, and people started to think maybe this is the actual end of everything as we know it.
In the UK the furlough policy was keeping things just about moving (for those lucky enough to be employed). For the self employers, well we were left to our own creative devices. It was nerve racking stuff. Pitching for work in these kind of times was tough. Pitching for work that involved giving people hope when they’d lost their job, in a time when literally everyone was losing their job and all hope of ever living a normal life, was even tougher. My business, Another Door, was all about creating hope to find something better after redundancy. In 2016 when the idea was created this felt fresh, galvanizing,encouraging. In 2020 it felt like a stretch,we had to dig deep to keep the faith and the belief.
I had to do some deep soul searching. Fortunately I had Amanda (Paradine), the Head Career Coach at Another Door. We kept ourselves going. ‘We’ll win this next pitch’ we’d say. ‘This time next month, this time next year’ we’d share, straight out of the Delboy and Rodney school of hopes and dreams.
Our consumer course ‘Five steps to thrive after redundancy’ was doing ok. The first three cohorts sold out, and we attracted great people, so the live sessions were a joy to run. But by cohort four things had changed. The Government had extended furlough. Companies pulled back on redundancies as they started to plan for coming out of lockdown. And worse, people who were now bored on furlough had started to do what we were doing, but for free - because they didn't need the money!There were Facebook Groups, WhatsApp communities being set up in the name of helping people through their work dilemma.
We lost contracts what felt like overnight. From a healthy flowing pipeline of projects to a completely dried up, stuffed with Autumn leaves drain. And our cash flow was running dry with it.
So all this was going on while trying to promote the book. Telling people ‘why losing your job will be the best thing’.
And on a personal level we had moved house (again), my husband had been deployed away, so I was now solo parenting, trying to build a new local network, as well as all admin to do with house moves. Like finding essentials and unpacking boxes. Which by the way, 4 years on there are still 11 boxes in a storage container that I’ve not opened. ‘Bin them’ I hear you shout. Have you not watched Storage Wars? I feel I’ve been building up to appearing on that show my whole life. Those boxes aren't going anywhere. And they certainly aren’t getting unpacked. They are my legacy.
So, back to the question, did I even try?
Well in truth I could’ve done more. There is always more.
I could’ve intentionally set a focused set of actions to follow ruthlessly every day. I could’ve increased the amount of people I pitched to, asked for a call, been braver on the ask. I could’ve gone live on Instagram every day. Could’ve could’ve could’ve.
But what I know I did was what I could. I did the best I could do right in that moment in time. I think that’s all any of us can do. As much as we can in that moment of time. It might not be as big, as bold, as good, as effective, as successful as what someone else might’ve done, but it was everything you had right then.
So did I even try? Well I think so.
Ask yourself did you even try? Only you will know the answer.
There will always be more you could’ve done, would’ve done, should’ve done. But what you have done is the best you could do in that moment.
Here’s to even trying.