Extract
What’s the hardest part about writing a book?
You’re supposed to say the actual writing, or the research, or the editing, but for me the hardest part is remaining the person that I am after the book comes out, because the book will never evolve. So if somebody goes back and reads [my previous books] they are essentially engaging with a 29-year-old version of me that I have very little relationship to anymore.
And yet, it’s not like it’s fake, that was completely real when I wrote it, and I just have to sort of understand that I don’t get to have my work change. And the more I change, the more uncomfortable I’m going to be, but at the same time I don’t want to stop changing as a person. So I just have to accept the fact that the person who wrote my first book is now an alien to me.
This is an extract from an interview with Chuck Klosterman, author of The 90s. It was a good prompt to think about how we change and evolve ourselves, but how we maybe stay the same person for others.
I am certainly not the same person who the book in 2016/17. I wasn’t the same person in 2020 who then had to promote it. I had to work really hard to go back to being that person to support the publicity. I sometimes wonder if it has stalled my success in other areas. Because maybe for some I’m going to be the ‘redundancy’ person, rather than the expert on change.
And that made me think about when people want to change career. When I talk to my clients often the hardest thing is the resistance from others around you. Not only are you working through your own internal thoughts, worries concerns, but the minute you step out and share you now have everyone else’s worries, thoughts, concerns.
For some you will always be what they think you are at that moment in time. They will be unable to support you to be anything else. They are worried for themselves, you have maybe stirred their own thoughts, and sometimes they will be genuinely worried about you (but research shows it’s rarely about you, and more often about them).
So acknowledging that people around you might not be moving along your change journey at the same pace as you will help you. Don’t waste time being frustrated with others. Don’t waste time trying to convince them. The only person you need to convince is yourself.
You might meet people, even be around people who think of you as the old you (in Chuck’s case, his old book self). And that’s their reference point, thats who they see. But like Chuck says that doesn’t mean that’s who you are now. And it doesn’t mean you need to respond to it.
Change in career / life is all about our inner work, understanding who we are, and not absorbing other people’s opinions on that. You can surround yourself with people who will encourage new you. You don’t have to let go of old friends, just accept they aren’t seeing new you. And that’s ok.
This is really interesting because I'm going to be writing a memoir (or two). It makes sense.