I’m working on an event for a client and they want to include something about ‘ radical candour’. In fact they want the whole experience based on radical candour.
This has resulted in me researching, reading, watching the work of Kim Scott. What a discovery!
Kim’s book is about the balance of ‘giving a dam’ but also ‘being willing to be unliked’. She talks about how we can Care Personally, but Challenge Directly.
Some of her work feels a bit American, and I struggled at first to see good old traditional British corporate conversations in her observations. But things are changing. We are moving on from the Shit Sandwich Feedback process. Maybe even our reserved cultural ways can approach this more ‘given with love’ sentiment.
Kim uses this grid of caring v rage, challenging v silence as the frame for her book. It’s challenging at times because what you might think was a good approach she calls out as ‘ruinous’, or ‘manipulative’, or the worst ‘obnoxious’.
She argues that we can challenge because we care. And we can receive because we care.
Kim explains why sometimes the unsaid things count as much as the said things.
“A good rule of thumb for any relationship is to leave three unimportant things unsaid each day.” ― Kim Malone Scott
That if we catch ourselves saying ‘it’s only because I care’ when you are conversing with someone, this might not be the best way of going about it.
But if you can choose the more radical candour approach it is often received as refreshing, a great provocation, a brilliant moment of challenge. Rather than being seen as a threat. You meet people where they are.
Kim encourages us to keep working on our opinions, thoughts and observations. That this continuous work can help us to see things for the moment they are in. That without the continuous work we are basing our opinions on judgement, the past or our own projections.
“Make sure that you are seeing each person on your team with fresh eyes every day. People evolve, and so your relationships must evolve with them. Care personally; don’t put people in boxes and leave them there.”
― Kim Malone Scott
I have no idea (yet) how I’m going to incorporate this into the event however it’s been a brilliant find and provoked so many thoughts.
Would love to know what you think.
Do you care personally and challenge directly?
eleanor